When I was eleven I was taken from my parents and placed in foster care, because my parents decided that drugs and their ridiculous lifestyle was more important then their children I and all my younger siblings at the time were placed into state custody. In this process I was placed in two really terrible homes and two really great ones! One of the great ones was my sister's and her husband in Georgia.
When I was placed with them I had already been in the system for three years. I had spent most of that time in homes where they did not truly love me, two of them cared merely about the money they received from the state. However, when I was placed in my sisters home I knew they loved me, I knew they cared enough to open up their home to me even though, honestly, they could not afford it. They had a small baby and my sister was expecting her second when I came. They did not know what they were getting their selves into, yet they jumped in head first! When I decided to move in with them, my expectations were totally off. I don't really know what I was expecting but what I got was not it. Do not get me wrong, I love my sister, her husband and her children. However, I think I thought it was going to be me moving in with just my sister. I did not expect the parents that I got. I did not expect to be told what to do, how to do it, and when. Why? I do not know. I guess, because I had honestly never had parents do these things. I had always been allowed to do what I want, when and where I wanted too. Was this a good thing? No, of course not! I needed the stabilization that my sister and her husband provided, even if I did not know it at the time.
Now, as an adult and a parent I look back and realize that the things I hated the most were the things that were the best for me. Do I agree with every way they went about things? Of course not! But, seriously, they took on a teenager who was already molded, already had a personality. One who was used to having her way and worst of all... one who did not know Christ! They had their work cut out for them, they had every opportunity to turn around, send me back to foster care and run. But, they didn't! They stood by me and led me in the direction that the Lord told them too. Thankfully, Christ touched my heart and I came to HIM. However, I still sinned and did typical teenage things that drove them crazy. They however, still tried to always deal with me lovingly. It did not always feel like a loving way, especially to a bratty teenager, but, now as an adult I see exactly how loving it truly was.
Sadly, I have allowed myself to step so far away from them that I hardly communicate with them. I think about them and their children everyday, even when I fail to call them. Honestly, I am the worst about calling people anyway. The only people I call are my mom and my best friend. Anyway, recently I was reminded just how quickly they could be taken from me. My Brother in law was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on his brain. I did not ever think this was something that I would have to worry about, I never thought it would touch that close to home. I was forced to realize that I could lose him and he may not even realize how much I love him. I know I never really expressed how much I love him and my sister. I never call, I never message them. How terrible! These people took me in and led me to Christ, my sister taught me what it was to be a mother, my brother in law was the first man in my life to show me how a real man treated his wife. Because of these two people I know how to be a mother, a wife and I know how I should be treated by my husband.
Now, I sit here and look back and realize what all they have provided me with and taught me and I am angry with myself. I am angry that I was not always appreciative, I was not always obedient, I was not always loving. Why? Honestly, there is no answer for that question, other than I was a teenager and thought I knew everything. I don't know. I just hope that one day I can make it up to them. I hope that I can build that relationship with them, the one I should have built a long time ago, the one I should have cherished when I had it.
So, I love you Robert and Dawn! Take this as my apology and please know how much I love you. I wish I was closer and could be there with you and be there for you during this time. I wish I could give you both a hug, especially Robert with his big 'ol bear hugs! I wish I could tell you in person how much I love you, miss you and appreciate you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Nikki
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